Quieting my self-consciousness is an ongoing project.
The pandemic gave us a host of new anxieties and insecurities. One of those is something called “Zoom anxiety,” which, for some, has serious professional and social impacts. Those afflicted experience a high degree of stress related to virtual meetings and hangouts. A key symptom of Zoom anxiety is extreme discomfort with seeing oneself on-screen, leading people to mentally check-out when they should be enjoying these opportunities to connect and collaborate.
My own Zoom anxiety manifests as self-consciousness about my appearance. Before a virtual call, I plan what to wear on my top half, how to position my lighting to be the most flattering, and how to make sure my makeup is on point. During the call, I can get distracted by how my face looks on-camera. Do I look okay? Am I smiling in an engaging way or a creepy way? Is my forehead really that big? Do I have a booger?
As you can imagine, this involves a great deal of mental energy, so naturally my engagement in the meeting suffers.
I talked about this with a dear friend of mine, who had a similar problem. “I fixate on my face and feel myself getting angsty,” she said. Her solution was simple: when she’s on-camera in a virtual meeting, she puts a sticky note on the screen over her face. The sticky note helps quiet her self-consciousness, so she can get on with the actual work of attending to and participating in the call.
I love this hack. I’ve started using it myself. And I also wonder if there’s a kind of “sticky note” that can solve my self-consciousness when it comes to my writing.
Here’s the problem: I want my writing to look good. To be aesthetically and artistically perfect. When someone reads a story of mine, I want them to think, “Wow, Maria’s an amazing writer.” My writing should always be perceived in the literary equivalent of golden-hour lighting, blurred it into soft gorgeousness. No flaw should be highlighted in high-resolution clarity, for others to pick up on and—gasp—point out to me.
As with Zoom anxiety, this self-consciousness leads to creative paralysis, endless editing, self-deprecating comments to my writing group, ruminating over negative feedback, and resistance to submitting my work.
Is there any mental sticky note that can defuse my self-consciousness so I can focus on just writing? Maybe. Here are some things I’m trying:
Don’t read the comments. Unless it’s a comment from someone whose opinion I value or when I’ve asked specifically for feedback or engagement, I make myself step away.
Focus on what I have to offer. Instead of wondering, “What do they think of me?”, I reframe the question as “How will what I have to say help/entertain/inspire someone?” This puts the focus on helping and connecting, and not on feeling judged.
Listen to my support team. My writing group is a supportive bunch of cheerleaders, but they’ll also tell me when something isn’t working. They help make me a better writer, and give me the confidence to hit publish even when I’m feeling vulnerable.
I’m not for everyone. I remind myself that not everyone will like my work, and that’s okay. Feedback often says more about the reader’s subjective taste than about my skill or my worth. My job isn’t to make everyone like me—it’s to be authentic in my voice and strive to get better every day.
It’s an experiment. I can approach each piece I write with curiosity, or as an experiment. “Let’s see how it would look if I tried this.” That way, I’m not falling flat on my face—I’m learning.
Celebrate the wins. Every time I share something, I can give myself a pat on the back and celebrate my creative self. Every time I share or submit or publish, I’m growing as a writer and building confidence.
Repeat my mantra. And I’ve actually written it on a sticky note: “I have something to say, and I trust my unique, imperfect, beautiful creative voice.”
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Maria Hypponen 